


Night Drive

by mytimehaspassed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, M/M, Parent/Child Incest, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-07
Updated: 2010-05-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 09:08:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mytimehaspassed/pseuds/mytimehaspassed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here are the things you know: you and Sam and your dad have been on your own for a long time, searching for this monster, this demon, that killed Mom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night Drive

**NIGHT DRIVE**  
SUPERNATURAL  
Sam/Dean; (non-con) John/Dean  
 **WARNINGS** : allusions to non-consensual sex and abuse

  
Here are the things you know: you and Sam and your dad have been on your own for a long time, searching for this monster, this demon, that killed Mom. You and Sam and Dad have been banded together for way too long, surviving on nothing but adrenaline, and maybe that’s why Sam left for college, why Dad left you. You three have the strangest relationship, but thinking about this touchy-feely shit has never been your area of expertise and maybe you have a lot of skeletons in your closet, maybe you’re fucked up beyond repair, but this is your life and you’ll live it the way you damn well please. But it’s been you three since you can remember when you ignore the vaguest senses – the sight and taste and smell – of Mom.

You know that Sam used to depend on you for everything. He’s your baby brother and you can remember everything about him and maybe that’s why you feel so guilty, why you feel so nauseous every time he comes close to touch you. This is so fucked up, you and him, your relationship together, this is so fucking fucked up that sometimes you can’t stand the sigh of him – the smell, the taste – sometimes you just need to get away.

These things you know: the way Sam smiles when you kiss the underside of his chin, the way his breath hitches when your hand trails it’s way up his thigh, these things you should never ever know because he’s your brother and this is so wrong that it’s killing you. You know that Sam’s in love with you. And you know that you’re just hurting him, somewhere deep inside, you’re fucking him up because you’re older and you should know better, you should know that this is so wrong. That this needs to change because this is mostly what your own father did to you, mostly what made you so fucked up in the first place.

You’re killing him, but all Sam wants is more.

It’s somewhere in the South, past one state into the next, some dirt road in the middle of nowhere, and Sam feels like waxing poetic. Your watch has stopped somewhere between jobs, but you think it must be early in the morning, past midnight, but nowhere close to sunrise. You’re wired to the point where your hands have started to shake and you’re trying to not think, especially not about Sam or Dad or even Mom, but Sammy’s making it so hard with his guilt tripping all over Jess’ death. His voice sounds like gravel and maybe you should find the next motel or whatever and just pull over, but you’re low on cash and you know full well that Sam’s not gonna let you just blow some guy after the last heart to heart you two had.

And you can’t help it. Maybe it’s Sam and his fucking big mouth or maybe it’s your own attitude, maybe it’s even your own guilt trip, but you’re suddenly swerving the car off the road and slamming hard on the brakes. Sam hasn’t even gotten an expletive out before you’re taking off into the woods, door open and keys still dangling in the ignition. You’re not looking where you’re going, you’re just running and running, tripping over stones and dead branches, running as fast – as hard – as you can. Everything’s so fucked up. Everything you’ve ever done has been because your life is like this, because you’re a shit magnet and nothing ever turns out in your favor. Maybe it’s not Sam who’s to blame for Mom, for Jess. Maybe it’s just you.

When you finally stop, you have to lean against a tree to catch your breath. Your adrenaline rush exasperated, you’re shaking so hard your teeth are chattering, and the bark on the tree is scratching the shit out of your back. There’s something wrong with you. You’ve known it for a long time, but you try not to think about it – you try not to think about anything – but you can’t help it now, you can’t help but let it just flow over you. This, whatever this is, this problem is yours and yours alone, but you’re fucking up every one who gets close to you. That’s what you can’t tell Sam, that’s why you never really had any friends besides other hunters, that’s why you’re so withdrawn, so angry all the time. You feel like you’re breaking apart and there’s no one there to help you put the pieces back together.

Sam calls out your name, and his voice is getting closer and closer, and he’s scared you can tell, but you just can’t open your mouth to say anything. He finally spots you through the trees, your knees drawn up to your chest, blinking furiously to stop the tears from coming, and he’s by your side before you know it, his hands cradling your head, his thumb stroking your cheekbone. “What,” he’s saying, “What’s wrong?” but there’s just so much and you can’t burden him like this, more than he already is, and he goes to kiss you, and you’re just so fucked up, you’re just so fucking scared, that you push him on his back, screaming for him not to touch you.

And maybe now you actually get it, maybe now you can fix this. Sam doesn’t understand, lying on his back on the dirt floor, and he has no clue why you’re acting like this, but you do, you understand. Fuck college and all that psychology bullshit, because you understand this better than anybody. Maybe now you can stop Sam from wanting you so much, from needing you, because all this is slowly killing him and he has no fucking idea. You can do this, though, you can do this until you convince yourself you hate him so much, that you can’t stand anything about him.

And maybe you can even save yourself while you’re saving Sam.


End file.
